Curve ball, swing and a miss

it is inevitable the life will hand you curves. This last 2 months has been nothing but curves to me. so here I sit drinking a beer trying not to wonder but trying to figure out what's going on in my life. The stoggie is being smoked the Beer is being drank. Do I continue and trusting the person that is hurt me beyond all hurt. Do I trust the words that I've been lied to me so many times. I pray, God gives me no answers. I cry out and still nothing. each and every day I hurt deeper and deeper. I love, yet I hurt. anyone that knows me knows that I over analyze every little detail in life. in fact I obsess about it. I try to think about everything is possible in that situation rather than trust what is actually there. Today I have decided to trust. I may be hurt again but it's all worth the hurt if the outcome is to my liking. My life is not been perfect I have not done everything right. I have however done more than been done to me as far as trusting and hoping. will I be hurt again? Absolutely. by the same person I pray I don't. my life has become such a country song. In a dead end job, cant make ends meet. it seems like everything is working against me when I am trying to get things back on track.

I know however, the devil working against me. He wants to see me fail he wants to see me walk away from my life. I have news for him I am a new creation in Christ. I will fight for what I feel is mine. I will give 100 and 50 percent into anything that I want. So as I relax and watch the neighborhood kids get off the bus. I know my life is a lot more perfect than a lot of those out there. I know that I have over analyzed things too much. I know the person that has hurt me needs forgiveness.

Tonight I will forgive that person, I will love that person, I will hold that person and I will cry. not tears of fear or doubt, but tears of a newfound hope that I have through Christ. for Christ is the answer. I ask and pray that He guides and directs me from this day forward. I covet your prayers to pray for me. this hasn't been easy but I will not fail. until next time I will see you on the other side. ~Drew

In the midst of it all

Depression sucks. I mean it really sucks especially when it is something you really can't control because of someone disrespecting you. I have been through a range of emotions these last couple of months, trying to put on a brave face for all to see. Sometimes though, all I want to do is crawl in a hole and hide forever.
When you trust someone and they break that trust multiple times it hurts. Sometimes a sixth sense kicks in after being hurt so much and you just know you aren't getting the whole story. But be that as it may, this is life! You evaluate and reevaluate the people in your life and decide whether to go on with them or not. A lot of reevaluating has been going on in my world. Still not sure which way I am going because of the hurt and confusion. I don't want to make any rash decision.

This week I knew I was going to gain weight. Simply because that is the way my body operates I lose for 2 -3 weeks and then I gain a few pounds. If this would have happened 9 months ago I probably would have given up, but because I have come so far I am not doing that. There are so many other things going on in my life right now that I really can't afford to walk away from my new way of eating. So I go on with the diet, I go on with my life and I just ask that you pray for me. I am really hurting, I am depressed and I need all the help I can get. Until next time friends, I will see you on the other side ~ Drew